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Image by Colin Lloyd

Kinks & Fetishes

What is the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is any special interest that turns someone on, and many of us have them. A kink can be anything: BDSM play, wearing an outfit or item of clothing while having sex, talking about a particular subject matter, or role playing during sexual activity. It's common for people to have more than one kink, and while they may be huge turn ons, they aren't  required to be present in a sexual situation. For example, you may love to be spanked, but if you partner doesn't spank you, there are likely many other things they could do to turn you on that will allow you to have a fully satisfying sexual experience. 

Alternatively, if someone has a fetish, a) they will typically have only one, and b) it is something that almost always has to be present in order for them to feel truly sexually satisfied. For example, someone with a foot fetish may be albe to have sex without feet being the main focus of the event. But most or all of the person's fantasies would involve feet. If the person enjoys watching porn, most or all of the content would be foot focused. If they could decide how to have sex for the rest of their lives without worrying about what their parnter wanted, feet would be the focus pretty much every single time. 

Sometimes fetishes can feel truly overwhelming. It can occasionally make people feel trapped by one specific body part, object or situation that turns them on. Fetishes can at times create anxiety, particularly when people find themselves in a relationship where they either haven't divulged their fetish or their partner is unintered or judgemental. Many people are so fearful of rejection that they don't ever tell their partner. The resulting shame and anxiety can cause sexual problems and can sometimes prevent someone from dating altogether.

What are common kinks and fetishes you encounter in  your practice?

I work with a wide range of kinks and fetishes. Some of the more common ones include: crossdressing, pantyhose, feet, panties, BDSM, shoes, mouth/teeth, role play, armpits and more. I also work with clients who have or want to explore lesser known kinks and fetishes, and I am both upfront about its newness to me and always excited to delve into something new.

You may have a kink or fetish that we cannot directly work with in my practice. We can still dive in mentally and work to find ways to get your need met out in the world, even if only in fantasy, and release any shame you feel about your needs and desires. 

We don't have a lot of control over what turns us on the most. It's important that we learn to understand our desires and figure out a way to fit them into our world. If we decide to work together, my office is a safe space to share feelings, work on how to discuss your kink/fetish with your partner, perhaps further expand on a kink, or simply learn to manage and enjoy your kink or fetish. 

Is it ok to be "vanilla"? What is vanilla anyway?

"Vanilla" is a very broad term to refer to anyone who doesn't appear to have sexual interests that fall beyond a very normative style of sexual activity or intercourse. Wherever you land on the spectrum of "kinky" or "vanilla", the answer is yes, you are ok! Sex should be about pleasure and feeling good in your body. However, many people come to see me when they're simply not sure what they like. Or they may have an idea or feeling they want to explore but aren't sure what it is. This is really where my job is exciting. Helping people pinpoint how they want to feel is a true highlight of my work.

Don't know what you like? No problem! We will figure it out. Imagine your sexuality is like outer space. You're in the middle of a vast, ever expanding area. Interests and kinks are the stars. Maybe you have tons of stars. Maybe you just have one or two up there. It doesn't matter. Our work together is our spaceship, and it's our job to fly around, discover these stars and find out what they're about. 

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